This will be a tough post to keep short! There might be some details I will need to correct in the days ahead, as I talk to Emma and get some questions answered, but I will do my best to give an accurate account! Today Mother and I went to a Kitchen Party (ie. Bridal Shower). The couple is getting married in 2 weeks and Emma, Mother and I are making their wedding cakes...should be fun! We are actually going to a wedding this coming Saturday as well, but that Kitchen Party was too far away, so we couldn't attend. Today's party was for Koyi, who is marrying Edwin, the nephew of Enoch and Lastina Shamapani, very good friends of my parents, who have raised Edwin. Just for a little background, I found out this past week that Koyi was in hiding this week....evidently she was not allowed to be seen anywhere; she needs to stay home the week before the party.
Anyway, the invitation said it would start at 1:30, but Emma, (who knows best), said we could get there between 2 and 2:30 and we wouldn't miss a thing! She was right....It didn't start until 3:00. When we arrived, our gifts were received by some women, but they told us our name had to be written on the outside of the card (I'll let you know why later on!) About 130 women were there. After we sat down, many women started singing, drums started drumming, and a line of women started towards the front, dancing with a step. The most unusual thing about this was that the second lady in line had a chitangi around her, and it was obvious that there was another person walking right behind her, under the chitangi, crouched down a bit,
who could not be seen. This was the bride to be! We thought maybe it was her mother, but it wasn't; it was one of the 2 matrons, who helps plan the wedding. When they got up front, This Matron slowly sat down and carefully removed the chitangi from her back, but made sure Koyi was still covered as she sat on the floor. There was another Matron beside Koyi helping her with every move...even straigtening out her legs as she sat. Koyi was not allowed to do anything herself.
After some songs and dancing, another group of women come in, but this time, Edwin is with them, along with 2 of his men. He normally is a very happy guy, but today, he looked very serious and somber, which I believe is part of the tradition. Edwin proceeded to kneel in front of Koyi and unveiled her. Then he gave her roses, put a necklace around her, and gave her a hug, all while the drums continue to beat. His shirt matched her skirt. Even though Edwin unveiled Koyi, she still looked somber and serious and was not allowed to smile or look up. This shows respect to her family, signifying sadness in leaving her family. Koyi and the matron "walk" slowly on their knees to chairs where Edwin and the 2 men are sitting. She then presents to
him a fruit basket, but still looking down and moving very slowly. In between these "presentations", there are cheers and "whooping yells" that only African women can do well. Edwin leaves, and then Koyi and the Matron slowly walk over to the groom's side, kneels down and presents something to his mother. She then presents something to her Mother, but again, this is all done with her head down, not saying a word.
Then the gifts begin... The Matron dances around with a bag for the guests to put kwacha in..no pressure, but if you dont give right away, the Matron will dance some more, right in front of you! She will eventually move on. Then one by one, gifts are received, and the name of the person giving the gift is called out (remember, we had to write our name on the outside of the card). When your name is called, you are to go up to Koyi, who is sitting on the floor, not looking up and still will not talk. You open the gift, tell her how to use it, and then you either give some more kwacha or you dance! We opted to dance, even though it sure wasn't anything like Emma's dances! When I showed her the gift, she did put her hands together for a little gesture of thanks, but she still did not smile! OK - I am just trying to picture my daughter and daughters-in-law not smiling or talking at their bridal showers....I don't think any of us American ladies have that much self control, especially when it is such a wonderful, happy time! That would be so hard! I am eager to talk to Koyi and ask her what she was thinking about this whole time and if it was hard for her.
They served a paper plate of food to everyone, mostly meat, and also handed out a glass bottle of soft drink. I am eager to get some answers to my many questions in the next few days, and will let you know what I learn! Obvioulsy, there is great respect and honor for families and tradition is very important. The next 2 Saturdays will be very interesting as we attend 2 weddings, one of the most traditional events in Africa. Wish I could get some pictures up on the blog for you, but I guess those will come in the post-trip blog!
Enough for now....
Leza Amulongezye, Beth
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